Why don’t kids like to talk about their day when their parents get home?

How to Encourage Children – Parents Conversation

Answer by Saulo Dos Santos Soares:

A great Brazilian philosopher called Mário Sérgio Cortella once said in an interview:

When you ask “Hey, son, what have you learned today?” or  “How was your day at school?” it sounds pretty much like an interview, an interrogatory. As a result, kids feel pressured and uninterested in answering the question and generally give 1-word answers.

He suggests a swap in the formatting of the question.

Rather than asking what your kid has learned, try asking what he/she has to teach you.

When your kid get home try asking: “Hey, son, what can you teach me today?”

And as Marcus Geduld pointed out, it’s key you don’t change subjects straight after you get a response or start lecturing/patronizing your kid.

Why don’t kids like to talk about their day when their parents get home?

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Chasing Perfection

Prologue

December 28th, 2013.
I had a conversation my parents regarding my preparation for my departure to Japan in January 2014.

Dad  : Have you prepared all the electronics you need there?
Me  : Yeah. Charger for notebook, and for handphones. All adapters are ready.
Dad  : You wouldn’t bring the electric shaver?
Me  : No, I guess. I’ll just bring the razor.
Mom  : He’s still not accustomed to use it (read: electric shaver).
Me  : Well, shaving with the electric shaver leaves several spiky remains. If I use the razor, it’ll be perfectly clean to the skin.
Dad  : But, chasing perfection like that will only hurt you during winter. Since the air is so dry, it’ll be hurt to shave like that.
Me  : …..

Okay, that’s the prologue. My father’s line (read: the emphasized one in bold) still lingers in my head, at least ’till this post was created. I think about it throughly, why it does really hurt when I chase perfection. I am perfectionist, as my father and my older sister are. But the more I think, the more it makes sense.

I am a perfectionist in gaming (or the so-called completionist). When there’s achievement-related activity, I did it ’till I achieve it. For me, completing everything gives so much more satisfaction. However, when I can’t finish the side activity perfectly, sometimes it makes me upset, maybe up to the point I won’t touch the game for several months. Yeah, sometimes, chasing perfection is pretty annoying.

Well, sometimes, chasing perfection is really painful, and it does come with a great cost.
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What is the biggest lie society taught you to believe?

Answer by Keinosuke Johan Miyanaga:

To be happy, I need more. To get more, I need to get rich. To get rich, I need a job. That is by far the biggest lie.

Get a job.

If we were all focused on creating jobs, we wouldn’t be so busy helping our employers get rich. If you need one, by all means get one. They are great stepping stones. But we should always work towards a cause and be emotionally invested. Exchanging your time for only money is what ultimately devalues your time and you in general. It is exploitation of your most valuable resource. We shouldn’t get comfortable in any job. Our goal should always be to eventually be in a position to create more of them. All employers want are workers that are complacent. However, complacency is against human nature and a fulfilling life. What we need is growth. If you are blessed to be capable enough, don’t get a job. Create one, starting with yourself.

You need more.

No I don’t. Stop trying to sell me something. It would be nice to have a Ferrari, but knowing I have exactly what I need is nicer. Before having more, what we need is good honest healthcare, to be able to properly educate our children, and to know that people have your back in times of need or emergency. What we really need more of is love, conversation, and peace. Society ruins all of these things the moment it gives them prices and turns them into markets. Why must we compete to get by when we must cooperate to get along? What we need more of is each other.

Get Rich

And by rich, I mean financially. All we have to do is get rich then happiness is a given. You are successful if you are rich. Women will flock to you if you are rich. Your friends will love you if you are rich. Your parents will be proud of you if you are rich. The world is your oyster if you are rich. But then why, oh why, are so many rich people so openly miserable? Why are they so busy? Why do lottery winners end up bankrupt? Why aren’t those born into money always giddy? We are taught that money is the solution to all of our problems, but what if money is our biggest problem? What we need isn’t a fatter wallet. What we need is a bigger heart.

To be happy, I need more. To get more, I need to get rich. To get rich, I need a job. That is by far the biggest lie.

More won’t ever make you happy. You won’t ever have enough. You won’t ever be rich just working a job. All you will have is a job until you get fired or are retired, at which point you will have nothing.

A life long pursuit of money leads to a life exchanged for shiny objects and a hollow sense of self accomplishment. It is an inward spiral of self indulgence and self devaluation that ends in a big fat zero.

But there is hope.

Part II — The Best Kept Secret (with pictures)

Society taught me this was the formula for happiness:

This is what happens inside you:

By doing as we are told and taking from others, we expect others to take from us also. We become defensive of our possessions as well as our emotions. And we end up alone. You expect very little from other people, because you just assume they just want something of yours. The truth to this is the sad part. This is selfish economics, and this creates a selfish economy.

What if we have it all backwards?

In reality, no one survives alone. Every one of us arrived here because of two people consummating. We are then fed, nurtured, and educated until we can make it on our own. Even then, we are dependent on family and friends. And as a member of society, we are dependent on communities, economies, and social services. We need our cars to work, our money to be safe, and our bodies to be healthy.

Is this all in exchange for money? Or is it people caring for people? I’d like to think it’s the latter. At least, I’d like to think it started that way. And if it’s not that way now, I think we should fix it.

Everything you depend on others depend on also, and what it boils down to is this:

If everyone cared for everyone, everyone would care for you.

We all have our priorities and you may not be number one, but last I checked everyone was a lot of people.

What if we have it all backwards?

Amazingly, what you give isn’t taken away from you. That is also one of the special properties of love. It’s shared, not given or taken, and others will feel it when they receive it. Through others, you become a fountain of prosperity.

When success is defined by the amount of people you help, it makes you bigger. Your expectations rise at all levels — for others, for yourself, and for what everyone can do for each other. This is selfless economics, and this is the selfless economy.

The Evidence

You don’t have to take it from me. I’m just repeating what others have said and done.

“Only a life lived for others is a life worth living”
Albert Einstein.

Which will it be:

Sure, there is nothing wrong with that. Good job. Take it easy. RIP.

Or,

From the top, an Apple store with notes to Steve Jobs, a fan mourning the loss of Michael Jackson, and the Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial. One is an entrepreneur, one is an entertainer, one is an activist. Depending on who you ask, one is an a-hole, one is a kook, one is a disobedient baptist minister. Who cares? Everyone. What they have in common is they became valuable to a lot of people. No one was a fan of their money. Not even them.

This isn’t about entrepreneurship. You don’t need to think big or be a genius or be rich already. This isn’t about charity either. If you’re giving away stuff you took away, you are Robin Hood, which is awesome, but not what I am getting at. It all begins when you recognize that ultimately your preservation depends on the preservation of the people around you. By shifting your focus on those around you, you make the switch from selfish to selfless.

You can start with a lemonade stand, or mowing the lawn for your neighbors. You can open a coffee shop or a restaurant or a small graphic design studio. You can start with a painting or a song or a book. Create something and give it to people. What people get might be coffee, it might be a laugh, it might be an iPad, it might be the right to vote. And if it is valuable, you should sell it. In fact, how much someone pays is a great measure of the value you created. Price measures value. The key is to serve a need — anything besides the need for money, or the need for your time. It really is that simple. The selfless economy is already here. Join it.

By helping others prosper, you will prosper also. It does take time. However, the reward isn’t net worth, but self worth. When your worth increases in the eyes of others, your worth to them becomes obvious — even to yourself. Coincidentally, by then it’ll be hard not to make a buck or two along the way. Net worth will always catch up with self worth at varying degrees, but it never works the other way around. You don’t want to find this out the hard way.

When people buy your time, they are paying you despite you being replaceable. You become a disposable commodity. When people are buying awesomeness, they are paying you because you are irreplaceable. You become an indispensable part of their lives. They will want you to have their money.

But you’re not doing it for money anyway. You’re not working for money. You therefore can gladly reinvest that money towards your cause and your awesomeness. In other words, you make money work for you. And it all keeps growing — they keep growing, you keep growing, hence we keep growing. It’s not about you or them. It’s about us.https://personanonymous.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=890&action=edit

To be at the center of all this is a great life at any scale. This is the outward spiral of giving away the value that you create, which ultimately leads to a big fat everything for everyone involved, not just yourself.

Society is both selfish and selfless. Don’t let society take advantage of you. Take advantage of what is good about society. It will react to how you act:

When you give to society, society gives back.

That is society’s best kept secret.


(c) 2013. Diagrams composed by me (K. Miyanaga). Photos belong to their respectful owners.

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Your Job is NOT Your Career

A random conversation in the bar:

“What do you do?”
“I’m a consultant.”
“Do you like it?”
“Well, the payment is good, I have a significant position, and the facility is excelent. Yes, I do.”
“Are you happy?”
“……”

If your job is your career, the answer will be “Yes!” However, somehow people got mixed up between the definition of career and job.

Job is not the same as Career

Job is only a vehicle that can take us to a place we want. Job belongs to the company. You may have attachments to your job, but it is not and will never be yours.

Career is more like the journey itself. Career belongs to you. You may ride different vehicle to reach the destination. The journey may be smooth or full of obstacle. Each journey is unique, one can’t compare one journey to another.

Job vs  Career

Job talks about payment and job description.
Career talks about your passions and your dreams.

Your parents, professors, or company might decide what your job is. But no, they can’t decide your career. Only you can decide what your career is.

Job

What’s your consideration before applying job? Beside educational background, most people consider the payment and the facilities as their top priorities. Some thinks that by having an outstanding job, one will achieve something more. It’s not wrong. What is job and what are it’s concern?

  • Tools for company to achieve it’s target
  • Media for individual to achieve their daily needs
  • Path to develop personally & professionally
  • Vehicle to gain personal achievement & give something to community

Most people are trapped in the paradigm “having appropriate job is better than not having a job”. What about “Having the right job is better than just having appropriate job”?

Have you ever wondered what if you quit your job, losing both your job and your status? Well, you don’t know what you have got until you lose it.

Career

Career is different from job. Your career belongs to you. Your job should never define you, but your career is you. Career is all about yourself:

  • How to know yourself
  • How to live a meaningful life
  • How you want to be remembered when passed away
  • How to achieve the happiness

Your boss might take your job away, but he can’t take your career away. No one can decide what your career is but you. Your career is driven by your passion. Your career is unique. And not every job is in line with career.

Passion and the Pursuit of Happiness

Job is never meant to be burden. For those who quit their job because they said they already found their calling, it’s okay. It’s the passion’s calling. What’s a passion?

Passion is NOT the same as Hobby

“What’s your passion?”

“Swimming”. That’s not a clear-cut answer. It hangs between hobby (what you usually do) and passion (have a clear goal).

“Writing, I want people to enjoy my writing.” It has a specific goal that he/she want the product of his/her being enjoyed by people. Passion, gives both feelings of fulfillment and containment.

Passion is the state of being, Ambition is the act of becoming

Well, both passion and ambition has objectives/goals, but has different domain. Passion comes from within, and by doing that you feel joy and relief. The orientation of passion is the journey. Ambition comes from outside, and a form of trying to reach specific sense of achievement. The orientation of ambition is the result.

Passion is in the Activities, NOT the Jobs

Everybody wants to be happy. Passion is something that makes you happy just by doing it. Most of the times, what you do in your job is not what makes you happy, giving a sense of fulfillment, and giving value to your life. Most of the times, what you do in your jobs are merely inline with your educational background. Don’t be trapped in this situation. A matter of quitting/staying is in your hands, but responding the passion’s calling is what you really need.

The Verdict

Your Job is NOT Your Career

Your Job is NOT Your Career”, by René Suhardono

If you feel that you’re not content with your current job, ask yourself: what do you really want? Some people just want to be rich. Why do they want to be rich? Because they want to be happy. Funny, because money can’t buy happiness.

“There are two ways to be rich: one is to have more, the other is to want less.” — Erich Fromm

Taken from “Your Job is NOT Your Career“, written by René Suhardono.

Imagine Cup 2013, Feline Project: Niew’s Tale, and Wonderworks Studio – Part 1

It’s the continuation of my previous post about Feline Project. I still working in this project since Nov 2012, and yeah, I’m still the programmer in Wonderworks Studio.

Wonderworks Studio now consists of:

  1. M. R. Al-Ghazali — Project Manager
  2. Rido Ramadan — Programmer
  3. Faisal Ibrahim Hadiputra — Programmer
  4. Septiana Wahyudianingsih — 2D Artist
  5. Karina Utami Putri — 2D Artist
  6. Amalia Setyowulan — Motion Graphic Artist
  7. Hendrianto Soegianto — Sound Composer
  8. Taruma S. Megariansyah — Sound Composer

Niew’s Tale

Niew’s Tale is platformer game abut cat. You will control a male calico (tricolor) cat called Niew. Niew belongs to a kid who lives at a mansion owned by a cat collector. Unbeknownst to its owner, this mansion is always under threat. Who knows, that Niew and all other pets in the world have a duty to stop that incoming threats without anyone notices. Cat has secret, and that what makes Niew’s Tale is.

In Niew’s Tale, you will have an adventure inside a mansion. Explore the mansion. Protect the house from threats. Unleash the barrage of cat’s hunting techniques. Kill every pest in the house. And ultimately, become number one in the house. Niew’s destiny is in your grasp.

Niew’s Tale uses inovative gameplay method: combo creation. Unlike simple hack-and-slash, one must properly time & plan their strategy to achieve best combo at given time. Take a look at these video:

Our Journey

Phase 1 : The Deliverable

We’ve been working on this project since Nov 2012. Back in Sept 2012, it was just the four of us, wandering aimlessly to search for an idea to create a great game. Two months since Sept 2012, suddenly a cat walk in front of us while we ate, then the idea just came out. How about we make game about cat? Since then, it was never be the same. Our group expanded. Each member loves cats, ergo we make Niew’s Tale based on our passion.

For months we’ve spent a lot of time in library to create Niew’s Tale. The path we took was harsh and full of hardship. Game development was not easy, that’s why I make this project as my thesis.

The first deliverable was the game description + gameplay video, March 15. We’ve strived really hard to make both game and video as appealing as possible. By the end of the deadline, we celebrate our efforts by having dinner and birthday celebration for our project manager, Algo.

From left to right:Faisal, Amel, Algo (the birthday boy), Septi, Me, Karina

From left to right:
Faisal, Amel, Algo (the birthday boy), Septi, Me, Karina

Right, for the gameplay video about the game can be seen below:

It’s not over yet. By March, 18, we got a news that we succeed becoming Indonesia Imagine Cup 2013 Semi-finalist in Game Competition. Well, it’s quite a feat, and thankfully, our works was not in vain. We still have to strive for Russia.

— To be continued…